Journal

The Hurt and the Healer

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Heard this yesterday while I was at work.  It is very appropriate at the moment.

 

This has been an all around bad month.  I feel all the progress unraveling and it is painful to watch.  I have since turned it all over to God.  There are some places in my life I do not want to go back to and being drug into drama is one of those things 😦

Instead of going for a drink or trying to talk and reason with everybody I have concentrated on my photography, listening to music and working out.  I am trying to quit smoking and learn some stuff in Photoshop.

My ex, who cost me everything fighting, and winning, custody of our son is now texting me because he is having so many problems with him.  This isn’t the loving sweet boy who used to live with me.  He is angry, verbally abusive, and sometimes downright mean.  Many of the same traits that I lived with for ten years with his father.  I continue to reach out to him, but he has told me a number of times now to “F” off.  It is just breaking my heart, but I have basically been locked out of his life for the past three years and now my ex wants me to magically fix it all.  I can’t fix it.  I can only be there for my son when this all settles down.

Then there is my daughter.  My strong willed, sweet daughter.  She is now in the custody battle of her life and it is tearing our family apart.  Stress is high, tensions are high and everyone is biting off everyone’s head 😦  There have been a lot of harsh words, but I am choosing to remain as neutral as possible.

Which brings me to the actual good news in my life 🙂  I decided to do the 30 day trial at Beachbody.com and I am loving it.  The first day was a killer!!  I am working through the Slim 6 and the 21 Day Extreme.  I haven’t made it through a full workout yet without dying, but I am sticking to it.  Now I just need to change my eating habits.  This basically involves me being motivated to eat breakfast and pack a healthy lunch and snacks :-/  Maybe then I will stop munching on chips at work!

The quit smoking game plan is moving a long.  My last smoke should be on December 22nd.  At least that is the goal.  I am tired of spending the money and being out of breath all the time!  I figure if I am going to work out and lose the weight I might as well get rid of the worst habit I have, right?

So on this cold, gray day in Pennsylvania I am going to close and go and work on some Photoshop tutorials and photos.

God Bless

 

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