Journal / The Daily Prompt

Only Six More Months

It was such an amazing holiday this year.  Filled with love, laughter and a bounty of gifts. My daughter created a magical, festive atmosphere.  It was so great to have my niece home with Nicholas.   He is doing so good.  A lot of therapy and chemo in his future, but he is such a tough little man!

Of course reality smacked me in the face when I went to the mailbox on Tuesday and got the court papers.  Can I just retreat from reality for a bit?  My ex is taking me back to court for child support.  One son lives with him, one with me.  Jae graduates next month.  Patrick graduates in June.  He wants his five months of child support even though Jae is remaining a full time student and only works part time and lives with me.

Is it horrible to say that I can’t wait until June?  Once Patrick graduates I will never have to truly interact with this man again.  Please don’t misunderstand.  It isn’t that I wouldn’t do anything for my son.  Jad has a house that is paid off.  (He paid cash for a $400,000 home.)  Two cars and two motorcycles, paid off.  He makes $90,000 a year more than I do.   I pay rent, have car payments, work my butt off and barely make ends meet.  I do not say this with malice or anger.  I know he won’t change.

After he tried to kill me in 2007 they diagnosed him as a sociopath with narcissistic qualities.  In other words he does not have to capacity for remorse and the world centers around himself.  The sad part is that both boys know this.  I wish I could bubble wrap them and remove the scars.  Not the scars that are visible, but the ones that haunt their dreams and cause them pain that they can’t put words to.  It makes my heart sad to know that if I hadn’t been so weak they would never have had to deal with this.  Jad would be in jail.  They would have grown up poor, but not without love.  I dropped the charges then and live with the knowledge everyday of my life.

On a brighter note.  I have been doing to Beach Body on Demand.  For a limited time you can get ALL their programs for $99.00.  Broke or not this is not a deal I could pass up.  I joined in November and although I haven’t lost as much as I would like.  (My willpower is weak.)  I am fitting comfortably into clothes that I haven’t been able to wear in over a year.  It is an amazing feeling!  Once June comes and goes I am hoping to once again have the money to really afford to eat healthy.

Witch begs the question.  Why is is so easy to buy meals you know aren’t good for you, but you can afford, but eating healthy requires far more money than a single moms wallet can possibly afford?  I find all these amazing clean eating recipes, but then put everything back and grab pasta, sauce, a few frozen pizzas and hamburger helper :-/  Maybe I am just not an amazing shopper.

Well I can’t believe how fast my vacation is going.  I thought today was Tuesday when in reality it is Wednesday and I am still trying to get caught up.


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