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Day 2: Not a Complete Loss

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I was really hoping that today I was going to come on here and tell you all that I did it and went the whole day without a smoke. It didn’t happen that way, but I gained some valuable information about myself and the trigger that sets me off.

Tonight is my youngest son’s graduation.  Actually my youngest child.  The baby of six.  I have been so emotional about it for the last several weeks.  The reality of it just struck me one day that I no longer had any children at home.  He has lived with his dad for several years, but he was here quite often.  He is going far away for college and suddenly my heart broke.

In a way that is what led me to this new outlook on my blog and where I am trying to go in my life.  I went into a slump for a good week.  Crying to much, smoking to much, and in general eating to much.  It was a horrible week and I felt completely alone and adrift without any clear direction of what I was going to do.  All I have known for thirty years was raising my children.

That leads me to what I am learning about myself and where I am having difficulties with this challenge I gave myself.  I have learned that STRESS is what makes me reach for a smoke and tonight I will be spending dinner with two of the people who stress me out the most in the world.  My sister and my ex-husband!

I have broken the morning cigarette habit altogether by changing my morning routine.  Now I will have to come up with a healthy alternative to dealing with stress.

Well it is now 11 pm and graduation is over.  So proud of my two sons and can’t believe that this period of my life is in the history books.

I did not see my sister during the graduation and dinner actually went very well.  I stressed all out for nothing really.  I still wouldn’t choose to hang out with either of them for any period of time, but it was a fun evening.

I did find out when I got home that a very dear friend passed away.  Not exactly the news I wanted to hear this evening 😦

It is very much past my bedtime and I am sitting here crying so I will close for the evening.  New day tomorrow.

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